All styles see the world differently, of course, and when we feel pressure, these differences only become more pronounced. At this point, each of us will innately prioritize something over producing an actual positive outcome – in other words, each style would rather “?” than have things work.
Let’s examine each style individually, this time focusing on the Control.
Controls have a survival concern for certainty driven by a survival conversation to already know. This sounds like the internal conversation of “if other people know that I don’t know something, I will die.” Due to this concern and conversation, Control people will do everything they can to avoid looking incompetent when they feel pressure.
Consider this hypothetical: imagine a Control person standing at a podium announcing a new idea to 100 people. Then imagine that 99 of the 100 people in the audience like the idea and are following along, while there is one person who is shaking her head in disagreement with arms crossed. If the Control focuses on this one person, she will begin to feel as though this one person thinks her to be incompetent. Then, the Control person will come down from behind the podium to try and convince the one person that she is right, while the other 99 people are left wondering, “hey, where did that person with the good idea go??”
This perceived pressure (namely, “my idea is not being accepted”) causes a Control to focus the wrong direction. We call this – Controls would rather be right than have things work. Instead of pushing forward with those who believe in their idea, Controls will concentrate on naysayers and lose momentum on their projects if they fall into their own survival trap.
Self-awareness of how our style will respond to pressure gives us an advantage because awareness creates choices.
Be aware of what your innate style would rather do versus having things work when triggered by identity risk in the environment.